HUNDREDS of Scottish drivers, trapped by heavy snow, today face the
prospect of deep frying the meatiest ones to stay alive.
The 2010 Toyota McHilux includes a built-in thermostat and a big wire basket
With emergency services unable to get through, the cold and hungry
motorists have fashioned a deep fat fryer using the cargo bay of a
Toyota Helix pick-up truck and some blow torches.
Those motorists that look the most delicious will then be deep fried
in motor oil for about 20 minutes.
The police and fire brigade said they hoped to get close enough to the
stranded cars so that they can use catapults to fire in sachets of
A spokesman for the RAC said: "Luckily most Scottish people carry
batter ingredients in the boot of their car in case they come across
something by the side of the road that needs to be deep fried.
"If you're driving through central Scotland on a Sunday, you will
often see families parked up by the side of the road deep frying a
fox, or a badger or an abandoned shopping trolley.
"Sometimes a knife fight will break out over who gets to eat the wheels."
Meanwhile experts warned that the crunchy-fried man-feast could expose
Scotland's deep religious divisions.
Cambridge theologist, Dr Nathan Muir, said: "The trapped protestants
will be very conflicted if they face the prospect of eating a catholic.
"Do they treat it like a Jewish person treats pork? Or do they devour
it enthusiastically knowing they have helped to stem the tide of
Dietician Helen Archer said that one big fat Scottish person could
feed up to six other Scottish people for two days, especially if the
chubby fingers and toes were deep fried separately and used for snacks.
She added: "It'll be interesting to see how the Scottish digestive
system copes with eating something as nutritious as a human being.
Even a Scottish human being."